If things are going so well, why am I so down?

I can't say how much I'm enjoying being back in the ED. I know that I've mentioned it before but the satisfaction of feeling like I actually know something is ... well, nice. Last night, I got to help one of our interns out with a pelvic and a trans-vaginal ultrasound. The patient was a young woman who was pregnant (4 wks by dates but she fell on her back now had abdominal pain). She asked me to come in to be her chaperone since I would help her with the ultrasound. She started with the pelvic and was unable to identify the cervix on 3 attempts. I located it, we talked about different techniques for locating a difficult to find cervix (especially in pregnancy) and we moved on to the ultrasound where I showed her what to look for the with u/s. It was a very satisfying experience.

In other news, I went to a wedding this weekend for a good friend from home. I was best man and while I think that my speech may have sucked a little bit, it was really nice to see friends from home and to re-connect. That, of course, means that I'm now the last person in my little group of high school friends to get married. It's funny - when I was in high school, I was the guy who was so going to be married, have kids, the whole she-bang and now I'm still single - perpetually it seems. It is a bit trying on my psyche. I just feel like anytime I even start to get into a relationship with someone (that is if I talk to them in the first place), I push them away. I get buried in work and I don't want to have help or show any weakness and so I don't want them around at all. It's hard when I work in a field which daily exposes my weaknesses and flaws. Love thyself, right?

Also, I did my little climbing trad training trip on Tues-Wed this week. It was great (despite the rain). I got to place a bunch of pro, I found a partner who is reliable with a large rack (heh!), and I took a lead fall on a nut. It was awesome. I think we're going to plan for a day-trip next saturday to Table rock for some easy routes. :)