Rebirth.

I think that, in the last year or few, I've lost a bit of myself. I hate to blame, so I won't. Instead I'll simply say that I seem to have moved away from introspecting and have moved more towards simply passing time; or, more clearly, letting time pass me. I feel more like I'm letting my life pass me by. There are things that I used to do that I have just stopped. I want to remember them. I want to feel things I haven't felt in a long time: passion, excitement, trust, fear. I want to be able to talk to people again instead of the stilted topical conversations that seem to spring forth from my lack of insight or emotion. I want to think about the patients that I see as people; I want to think about their lives, their families, and how everything that I am doing, affects them. I want to re-connect with myself and with the world.

Yup, that's pretty vague but it's a start. Let's see if I can't write something each day. Let's see if I can't just formulate an opinion - something exciting, angry, optimistic, or conciliatory - but still *something*.

Am I Really A Doctor?

I feel like I'm still a medical student. Not in the "I'm dumb" way (which, I'm sure I am), but in the way that I haven't actually taken on any patient care responsibilities yet. I'm on this Ultrasound month, which is great and all, but I just swing into a room, do a scan, and swing out. I'm not thinking differentials or diagnosis, I'm not thinking medications or dosage, and I'm certainly not doing any history & physicals. That coupled with only working about 45 hrs / wk definitely makes me feel like I'm not yet into my residency experience and am just ... still a medical student. sigh.

I did, however, get to do a Trans-Vag U/S on a woman who, by dates, was 6 wks preggers. Did you know that a 6 week fetus has fingers, spine, cranium, brain, & heart already developed? Yea, she was a solid 15+ wks pregnant. My first question was, of course, "When was your last period?" She still stuck with the early June response. So be it.

First Day

Weirded out by my long-white-coated reflection in the mirrors that line the hospital elevators. And who cleans all the smudges and fingerprints off those things every day? They're always so fucking pristine!

The Ropes.

Orientation sucks. Ugh. Starting on Saturday of this past week (6/20) we began doing orientation / certification activities. ACLS, PALS, ATLS tomorrow. Rather a whirlwind. Today we had this silly orientation fair where each booth presented us with something we were supposed to learn, gave us a tri-fold handout and then stamped a "passport" to prove we had been there. We're not 6. It was obnoxious. And I walked out with like 45 tri-folds that each had 1 phone number on them. Stoooooooopid. OK, i'm over it.

Things otherwise are actually pretty nice. My class is rather cohesive although we've been spending so much time together as a group that I may have begun to get a little tired of it. I think that I'm just going to start focusing on spending more time solo.

I found a sweet coffee locale about 0.5mi from my house. Best thing about it is the beer selection (heh) and the tatooed hipsters that run it. I sit around reading all day and then, when I'm done, have a cheap import. The place rules. All-in-all, not bad. Plus, every middle-aged nurse I meet is either trying to get with me herself or trying to get me with her 21 y/o daughter. Ahhh the South.

Kisses bitches.

That's So LA...

So I have a feeling that LA is going to be like that guy who sort of disgusts and annoys you the first couple times you hang out with him but with time you discover he is multifaceted and charming (no E this is not a veiled insult towards you).

I live in Westwood so I can avoid driving as much as possible. It's next to a park that is usually filled with multilingual children and harmless bearded wanderers. It's amazing what passes as a "luxury" apartment in this neighborhood. Not that my place isn't nice; I really like it. But luxury is a stretch. It's half the size of my studio in Pittsburgh for twice the rent. Honestly, I like the idea of living in a small space. It forces one to be more ascetic. 

The upper part of Westwood is like a cooler version of the college town, with noodle bars and indie theaters and the requisite Urban Outfitters. Going south a bit on Westwood Boulevard, one enters the neighborhood known as Little Persia. There have been some demonstrations here mirroring the uprising in Tehran. There is a store selling Persian ice cream which I am interested in but haven't tried yet. 

Monday and Tuesday my co-interns are doing ACLS. Since I am already certified, I'm going to Magic Mountain and The Getty instead (not that I couldn't use the refresher...).

Hey everyone!

A Comfortable Routine

I'm now back in a pretty comfortable routine. I'm climbing a few times a week, jogging when it's not too hot, and doing reading to prepare for my ATLS, ACLS, & PALS courses. But, it's just the calm before the storm. Orientation starts on Saturday. We begin with all the certification courses. It's stupid, but I'm more nervous about looking like a dumb douche in front of my classmates, then I am in front of a patient or the nurses or even attendings. Dumbness.

Hope everyone else is settling in ok? Anyone out there?