Eeeeep!

Just realized it's Friday the 13th and I'm working in the MAJOR portion of the ED overnight tonight!!!

If things are going so well, why am I so down?

I can't say how much I'm enjoying being back in the ED. I know that I've mentioned it before but the satisfaction of feeling like I actually know something is ... well, nice. Last night, I got to help one of our interns out with a pelvic and a trans-vaginal ultrasound. The patient was a young woman who was pregnant (4 wks by dates but she fell on her back now had abdominal pain). She asked me to come in to be her chaperone since I would help her with the ultrasound. She started with the pelvic and was unable to identify the cervix on 3 attempts. I located it, we talked about different techniques for locating a difficult to find cervix (especially in pregnancy) and we moved on to the ultrasound where I showed her what to look for the with u/s. It was a very satisfying experience.

In other news, I went to a wedding this weekend for a good friend from home. I was best man and while I think that my speech may have sucked a little bit, it was really nice to see friends from home and to re-connect. That, of course, means that I'm now the last person in my little group of high school friends to get married. It's funny - when I was in high school, I was the guy who was so going to be married, have kids, the whole she-bang and now I'm still single - perpetually it seems. It is a bit trying on my psyche. I just feel like anytime I even start to get into a relationship with someone (that is if I talk to them in the first place), I push them away. I get buried in work and I don't want to have help or show any weakness and so I don't want them around at all. It's hard when I work in a field which daily exposes my weaknesses and flaws. Love thyself, right?

Also, I did my little climbing trad training trip on Tues-Wed this week. It was great (despite the rain). I got to place a bunch of pro, I found a partner who is reliable with a large rack (heh!), and I took a lead fall on a nut. It was awesome. I think we're going to plan for a day-trip next saturday to Table rock for some easy routes. :)

Returning Home.

Well - there goes posting every day. I guess it's ok not to. Probably a combination of feeling perhaps a bit happier and also the night shifts. :P

I am finally back in the ED. I'm about to head into my 3rd shift as a second year and, I must say, it's quite nice. I'm feeling much more comfortable with patient care, flow, diagnosis, management, and disposition. This makes me feel good about myself and reinforces why I'm here. Yesterday was a bit tough in the "Major" side; I got bogged down with procedures and had some trouble balancing that with seeing new patients. That being said, my first patient was a guy with a 50% pneumothorax and HUGE pleural effusion. After I put in his chest tube we got 1500 mL of fluid out! Shazaam!

I've been feeling pretty happy with myself from a production / professional standpoint too. I got a position in EMRA, I have 2-3 pretty solid looking research projects about to get off the ground, and I am trying to get my climbing tuned up. I don't like, however, all the paper work that comes with all of that. I ended up spending the last 2 days strictly on paper-work related things. I need to get a haircut, change my oil, get my car tuned up, and still look into getting hard-wood floors. Whoooooo, it's ok. Balance.

I'm still feeling a bit like I'm lacking some passion. I am still feeling a bit like I need to work on my conversational skills. I find myself struggling to come up with stories and anecdotes about myself. I hate talking about myself and then I begin to feel that I'm prying into people's lives when I ask them personal questions. I used to like doing that, you know? Asking personal questions? Prying? Almost to the point of discomfort. I can't even remember what changed - what made me step back from it. I mean - I do it at work now. Maybe that's it? Maybe it's more like being at work and I'm looking to avoid it in my free-time? Well that would suck, huh? It's ok, I'm making conscious efforts now. And I'm pretty happy now. So ... yea. :)