Yes, I would definitely rather be in the emergency department with my days, but I have to say, there is something nice about having unencumbered time to spend with a patient. As of late, I've taken to making my neuro consults extremely leisurely. I do a bit of a chart review for 10-15 minutes followed by a 25-30 minute history and then a comprehensive neuro exam is another 20 minutes. It's like being a med student again, except when I leave the room, I have some idea of what is going on. One of the things I am finding that I like best is it gives me time to formulate some kind of a relationship with the patient as a person. I think it makes me finally realize what they always talked about in medschool during 3rd year - "You will have more time than anyone else to spend with the patient. Learn about them as a person and better understand their disease." Frankly, during 3rd year, I was running around so much trying to learn or impress my attendings, spending time with patients never made it that high on the list. Now, as a second year resident on an off-service elective month, I am finally beginning to see it. The first 2 patients I saw (who each got about an hour with me) both said they really enjoyed my company. And both of them, as it turns out, were probably more psych than neuro issues; and maybe, just maybe, my time helped them relax enough to feel comfortable going home.
The rest of the day was fairly benign. Eventually I left the hospital at 6pm and then came home with the intent of finishing my journal club presentation in 2 hours and then maybe making it to the climbing gym. Sadly, it ended up taking about 4 hours. That being said, I haven't sat down and worked on producing something, even something as stupid as a write-up for journal club, in a long time. It felt kind of good. Maybe getting into research and this national stage will actually be a good thing.
I also heard from "B" tonight. Not really sure what to make of it. She and her boyfriend separated because she still has feelings for me - we haven't been in contact in at least 2 weeks, spoken for over 4 weeks, or seen each other in maybe 2 months. Maybe he just broke up with her. Or maybe we like punishing each other. At this point, I don't even know how I feel. I certainly miss having someone around but I'm also looking at this as a point in my life where I'm trying to effect a positive change in my life. A moving forward. Looking inward to re-grow outward. Talking to people, learning (and remembering) names. People are people. I think i'll just keep my distance for the time being and see when, if ever, our paths ever cross again.
Tomorrow night ... I think I'll climb.
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